Wait

Human beings are weird. I felt so stressed in Sep., though I declined an offer in that month. Now I am kind of released after getting the first offer in October. But you never stop worrying, 'cuz nothing is certain; you can never stop.

When you have achieved one goal, there is another waiting for you to reach. When you have accomplished one thing, there are many more for you to finish. You are always restless, you never feel safe. You have things in hand, but you never think they are truly yours. Maybe only by obtaining a great fortune can you feel better, but then you may start worrying the times coming when you grow old. Life itself is punishment, a curse from Satan, a puzzle, a drama, a tragedy, a comedy, a grind, a chance for you to expiate.

There are times of happiness, times of sadness, times when you are helpless. You are a lucky dog if you have a shouder to cry on when you want to. However sometimes I want to cry without a reason, and I cry alone. Several times I wake up in the midnight but cannot think of a name to call. I want to be a considerate girl, but sometimes I want to be a little bit selfish towards someone I love, who I am sure that will never annoy with me, even if I call him in the midnight talking nonsense. Some good friends of mine say that I can call them, but I can't. I don't want to disturb their sound sleep. I want to be polite, but I want to have someone before whom I can be a little bit wild or mad. I want someone who loves me as who I am, who understands my weaknesses and listens to my crankeries, who comforts me when I grow panic, who makes me feel safe, who I know I can rely on, by whom I know I won't be betrayed. This girl has a tender heart. Rudeness can tear it up.

You wait, I wait.